On May 6, 2015 I received a promotion from my primary job and now having doubts. Perhaps its just psychological and the fact that I left so much behind from my previous position. Granted, I had plenty of time to think about the should-haves/not(s). In the company I work for there is a "pool" of management candidates that take a shit-ton of of test, mostly online, since American Companies are too large to handle certain Human Resource responsibilities that should not be outsourced in the first place. Some candidates wait 5-10 years before being promoted on-top of their already seasoned years. The company only promotes from within and it being a long drawn out process of not just favoritism that plagues American Corporations but also the "numbers" games. I got passed up by, no offense ladies, women due to the negativity of activist constantly reminding America of gender inequality. When in fact women, get the greatest amount of power in the work force. Maternity leave (longer than men), female-problem-sick calls, harassment, and just too many perks to discuss at the moment. Gee, men in the workforce have their hands tied and in management need to watch what they say to women but women can do or, say, shit to men and get away with it. Is this equality? Well, American men asked for this with all the sexual allegations and perverts in management. The fact is, women get promoted very quickly where I work. In addition, I faced a lot of "color" barriers and other societal disadvantages that all fall into the stupid shit category of inequality.
Put it this way...it took 2 and a half years for my promotion to solidify and now after it has gone through, people are happy for me, however,I am not. Am I crazy?
Anyways, long story short back in 2013 I had the ambition to go through the process for promoted. My father started me 12 years ago to get some "discipline." I had no respect for authority and pretended I knew everything. Sound familiar? The company has existed since the turn of the century and my father is a 40-year senior partner in the company. THAT'S A LONG FUCKING TIME! People respect him. Employees and management alike know his name. My father knows how to dictate and predict changes in the company due to his experiences. Unlike my father, I am definitely free spirited. I channel my leadership skill through other avenues. Here is the issue, my father hired, trained, and worked for people that came up in the late 1970's into the 1980's. I would like to mention this companies name but for now will keep it out of text. So my father and his people, which are now doing greater things because of his influence, are getting older. There is an underlying fear with upper management that their legacy will be lost due to the fucking morons that get hired off-the street and have millennial mentalities (please see previous article May. 3.2015 rant).
ugh...I seem to be blabbering about something that I should be proud and had total control to say "FUCK-YOU! I am not taking this promotion!" but instead I took the apple from the tree and am having severe doubts about my decision. I cannot go back. Here is what I left behind that keeps floating in my inner cranial... life-time friends, able to work at my own pace, the knowledge for the job made it comfortable, and I was out in the public meeting beautiful women! SO WHY THE FUCK WOULD I LEAVE IT BEHIND!...duty. At-least I try to convince myself. A sense of fucking duty because my father is getting too old and so are others that built the company.
So why should I care the fuck about legacy? Who cares about stock? Why should I give two shits about people who now I have to manage who really don't give half-a-shit because of the poor management hired in recent years? Now I have more responsibilities, people to manage, sick calls, covering those sick calls, and making sure shit gets where it needs to get at the company. In the long run and trust me, I do understand the implications of my own blabbering questions, that I have doubts of lasting 40 years like my father. My father I respect. He keeps empowering me to stay focused and move-on. Perhaps I made the right decision just not the right time. Then again, what is the right time? I am 32 years old and I know that I could not have done my previous job until retirement. My body would not take the physical strain. I now believe that I could have stayed at my previous job for another 3-5 years and got all those "adventures" out of my system. Then again, timing is everything. The opportunity that I took would probably not have been available in the years to come. If it did, I would have gotten promoted into a shittier position than I am at now.
Therefore, here are my thoughts. I am crazy. A position I hold now is sought after by so many people in the company. Some venomously despise me and some congratulate me. Unlike those sinister slack-fucks of people waiting to get promoted, I did things right. I started at the bottom. I loaded and unloaded. I sorted packages and most importantly in the world of shipping I was a driver. Not many management millennial fuckers have this experience. Most people don't want to do the physical labor. I could have stayed a driver for just a few more years. Now I have a position where I sit on my ass, look at a computer screen, take fucking notes, write up reports, attend long meetings, take heat from upper management and answer everyone's problems. This is why I have a side business. To relieve the mundane societal fuck shit that plagues America. Thank you journalism!
fuck! what the fuck did I get myself into...
until the next blog...